Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
