so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
