I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
