OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
