nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
