dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
