He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
