My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
