I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
