I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
