official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
