We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
