Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
