btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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