and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
