I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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