I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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