At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
