This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
