One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
