for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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