we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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