Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
