Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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