It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
