my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
