I heard we made out
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She's like a pop up book from hell.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
