Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
