Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
