I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
