totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
