New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
