Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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