She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
