Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
