I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
is wine microwaveable?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
