I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
