My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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