I wish I could punch you in the face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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