My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
