my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
