the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
