How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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