I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
