it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
