Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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