By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
