so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
