vagina is talking i cant
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
