update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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