I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
