I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
